The best version of me is very brave, loving, full of wisdom and encouragement, peaceful, faith driven, and insightful. I have a HUGE heart that loves people with a “full contact” kind of love. I am quiet and extremely passionate. I would much rather sit and have a cup of tea with you while deep diving into the sea of our hearts than talk about much of anything else. I am secure in my position and I remember how the story ends.
Like many others, I also have a lesser version that comes out regularly. This version of me protects me when I have been hurt, when I am afraid, or when I’m feeling a little fragile. When I am in this place, I am not as loving, although I sometimes think I am. I can be judgmental, cold, impatient and more full of fear than any amount of faith. I get insecure and think that there will never be enough of whatever it is that I am focused on in that moment. I doubt my abilities. When I am feeling insecure, I seek attention and protection in unhealthy ways.
Secure me, the one that has faith and fully believes that God is always with me, is fully dependent on God. I remember all of the hardships I have encountered on my journey and see them through God’s filter as His Grace and Redemption for my life. I have peace, because I trust I am always right where I need to be for Him to work some miracles with and through me. I remember where I have been and where I am going.
Sometimes those two versions of me are in conflict and they battle for space in my mind, my heart, and my actions. They both want to lead the way. The problem is, only one of them can and I have to choose. Not necessarily one or the other, but to embrace both and let love lead in me and through me.
I haven’t always been comfortable with those two versions of me, but the more I learn, and the more God shows me about who He is, I am beginning to see them both as necessary and beautiful.
So on these pages are my thoughts. The space where Secure me and Insecure me work things out.
I call it rewriting stories. Insecure me makes mistakes. I make a lot of mistakes. Then I talk them over with God, and Secure me shows up.
I learn something about the mistake, and it makes Secure me STRONGER. I know a new part of God and how he reveals himself to me. This is how I have gotten comfortable with who I am. I embrace all the parts of me.
I take all of the painful things, the things that want to weaken me, and I rewrite them in the Light and Truth of who God is. I know God made me to be Secure and so I write the new story from that place and live it out.
This is “practice.” It happens many times a day for me, some are documented and some are just for my heart, my God, and me.
Do you have a place like that?
Do you have a safe place for your “versions” to interact with each other and grow?
Maybe it’s a journal, a friend, or a coach. If not, my prayer for you is to find that place or person, and with it, an invitation to rest and become more of you!
