I sat there watching her sleep as she laid in the hospital bed. I thought of all the things we have yet to do and all of the conversations that are yet to be had, and I wept. I wept because I am not ready for this “season.” The one where I am pulled between the happy celebrations of ribbons, artwork, and new learnings of my children while also grieving the loss of independence for the parents who raised me. Seeing them lose their freedoms is heartbreaking. This weekend my mom had a stroke. While the external effects were mild, the internal effects were rather large on her brain. As I sat there in the hospital weeping, I was not only weeping for her, but for my father, also, who was just diagnosed with prostate cancer. How is it possible that this is even happening? That so much joy and pain could all come in one weekend.
The timeline went like this:
Friday June 19
5pm: Dinner with friends for my son Jackson’s birthday
8pm: I get a call from my parents telling me that my dad has cancer
Saturday June 20
4:09am: Jackson’s 6th birthday – we are celebrating while holding back tears from the previous night’s news
Sunday June 21
It is father’s day and I completely forget to celebrate my husband with the kids.
8am: We drive to be with my parents in WI
10:15am: We arrive at my parents house and my mom is acting funny and not talking much
10:30am: Scott takes kids down by the lake and my mom “tries” to talk more, but the words are not coming out correctly
10:45am: Mom says the night before she got really frustrated and the words started getting tangled and she couldn’t speak. She had a slitting headache and she want to bed
10:50am: My sister arrives mid story and she looks at me and whispers “stroke”
11:00am: We are gathering my mom’s things so I can take her to the ER
11:45am: A doctor is telling my mom she had a stroke
And just like that, in less than 48 hours, there was so much to celebrate AND two words entered our life that were not there before. The words are small, but their effects are big. Cancer. Stroke. And here I am, in this place, wondering how I am going to do all of this? Care for my family here in Illinois, while also caring for my parents in Wisconsin.
Cancer and Stroke are big words to us, but they are NOTHING to God. He is Good. All the time.
Already I am learning that in this life there is Joy and there is sadness. When I was younger I thought that each season had to be defined by one or the other. God is showing me now that there is an opportunity for both to be present in each season. Even in each moment both can be there. I am thankful for this new truth.
I will be writing on here as an outlet. Please join me, and pray for my family as you walk with us. We are grateful. Already we are closer as a family and I can see God has been walking us closer toward Him and towards each other for the last couple of years.
I find it interesting that the week I started this blog, it did not go as planned. My dad had surgery and my husband was told he might lose his job. My heart was hurting and I wrote anyway. Here I am again, in this place, not as planned. My heart hurts and I am writing anyway. So I can only say yes to what God has in our life right now and show you how he walks us through it!
At a loss K. I am so sorry. I am thinking of you, sending you love, and praying. For everyone.
You are the best woman I know. God most definitely works through you to impact others. And He will guide you through this chapter.
I love you.
Jackie came back into my life by coincidence. And I’m so grateful that she did. We are like sisters now and I love her dearly. God will get you through this. My prayers are with you and your family.
My family and I have all of you in our prayers.
Dear Kaelyn,
I want you to know that I’ve been praying to St. Jude for both your Mom and Dad! We as a family think that your Mom and Dad are very special people. Our cuz and her husband and cousin Pat are near and dear to our hearts. So grateful that we were able to re-connect. Just know that we are here for you and your brother. If there is anything we can do don’t hesitate to ask!!
You are all in our thoughts and prayers
Love, Suzy
Katie…I am saddened for you and for your family. I am saying prayers for all of you. I am still in the Ocon area…if there is anything I can do for your parents please let me know! I can relate to such “seasons” my father was killed in a car accident hit and run by a 3rd offense drunk driver who also injured my sister who did survive. 2 years ago my mother was diagnosed with inoperable stage 4 uterine cancer without warnings..she found out on a Thursday and was in hospice on Tuesday. It’s been a ride…but God is good all the time. Please let me know if I can do anything!! Sending lots of prayers and huge hug!
Covering you in prayer, dear one.
Kato, I am so sorry. You are more awesome than I can describe. Let’s talk soon! Can I visit your folks? I assume I should call ahead of time!
Thank you for allowing God to use you! Praise Him!
Thank you all for the beautiful comments and your love for my family! I am humbled and so blessed.
My heart goes out to you at this time. I’ll be praying for you and for your parents. I was just talking to Dave about how life is full of joy and sadness, and sometimes (often) they come together. I should have him read this blog. Lots of hugs to you, Kaelyn!
Kaelyn, I’m a friend of your Mom and Dad’s in Milwaukee. Please let me know how I can help beyond prayers. God loves you and you will all get through this.
Kaelyn:
Your parents are so strong and they raised you to be as well. Thank you for sharing your story and let us know how we can support your parents and you.
Praying every day.
Pam Steib
Jackie, Dale, Kaelyn, and all your family,
Our KM tennis group is praying for progress towards health and peace for you all, and Jac – to get on the tennis courts with us again soon. Kaelyn, what a strong faith you have! Hang in there, all of you! Love and Hugs from all your tennis friends