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I sat there watching her sleep as she laid in the hospital bed. I thought of all the things we have yet to do and all of the conversations that are yet to be had, and I wept. I wept because I am not ready for this “season.” The one where I am pulled between the happy celebrations of ribbons, artwork, and new learnings of my children while also grieving the loss of independence for the parents who raised me. Seeing them lose their freedoms is heartbreaking. This weekend my mom had a stroke. While the external effects were mild, the internal effects were rather large on her brain. As I sat there in the hospital weeping, I was not only weeping for her, but for my father, also, who was just diagnosed with prostate cancer. How is it possible that this is even happening? That so much joy and pain could all come in one weekend.

 

The timeline went like this:

Friday June 19

5pm: Dinner with friends for my son Jackson’s birthday

8pm: I get a call from my parents telling me that my dad has cancer

Saturday June 20

4:09am: Jackson’s 6th birthday – we are celebrating while holding back tears from the previous night’s news

Sunday June 21

It is father’s day and I completely forget to celebrate my husband with the kids.

8am: We drive to be with my parents in WI

10:15am: We arrive at my parents house and my mom is acting funny and not talking much

10:30am: Scott takes kids down by the lake and my mom “tries” to talk more, but the words are not coming out correctly

10:45am: Mom says the night before she got really frustrated and the words started getting tangled and she couldn’t speak. She had a slitting headache and she want to bed

10:50am: My sister arrives mid story and she looks at me and whispers “stroke”

11:00am: We are gathering my mom’s things so I can take her to the ER

11:45am: A doctor is telling my mom she had a stroke

 

And just like that, in less than 48 hours, there was so much to celebrate AND two words entered our life that were not there before. The words are small, but their effects are big. Cancer. Stroke. And here I am, in this place, wondering how I am going to do all of this? Care for my family here in Illinois, while also caring for my parents in Wisconsin.

Cancer and Stroke are big words to us, but they are NOTHING to God. He is Good. All the time.

Already I am learning that in this life there is Joy and there is sadness. When I was younger I thought that each season had to be defined by one or the other. God is showing me now that there is an opportunity for both to be present in each season. Even in each moment both can be there. I am thankful for this new truth.

I will be writing on here as an outlet. Please join me, and pray for my family as you walk with us. We are grateful. Already we are closer as a family and I can see God has been walking us closer toward Him and towards each other for the last couple of years.

I find it interesting that the week I started this blog, it did not go as planned. My dad had surgery and my husband was told he might lose his job. My heart was hurting and I wrote anyway. Here I am again, in this place, not as planned. My heart hurts and I am writing anyway. So I can only say yes to what God has in our life right now and show you how he walks us through it!