Life’s uncertainty is relentless. Every moment a new twist or turn in what we thought was a sure thing or something to be counted on. It seems crazy to me that I am not riddled with fear and anxiety. I mean, I was, but then I just decided not to be. Easy as that right? No, it has been a process, but one the Lord has worked out quickly in me with the help of my husband and some wise, Spirit led friends.
Every day He has reminded me that I have a choice. I can continue to plot and plan and rearrange in order to gain control OR I can hand it over to Him and ask Him to give me Peace while I wait. I am an expert at the former option and have “planning and strategy for overcoming” almost down to a science. But during this time I have heard Him very clearly tell me to “release” this ALL to Him. The shift was a focus shift for me. I stopped focusing on the uncertainties. I refused to focus on the earthly things that were no longer going to provide me security. Focusing on those things, left me anxious. I was afraid and I felt heavy and uncomfortable in my own skin.
Once the Lord so graciously invited me into surrendering, and I said yes, I could feel the subtle shift in my heart and in my mind. The new focus was on Him and how I was seeing Him even in the uncertainty.
Sometimes I sit on the floor of my bedroom and pray. I sit right under the window and if the weather is nice I will open it. Last week I was sitting under the opened window and I began to pray. I asked God to release me from the anxiety and fear that I was experiencing. I asked him to show us what His perfect answer for our current uncertainties were. I thanked Him for already showering us with love and support from our friends during this time. As I ended my prayer and said “Amen” I also felt this thought come to my heart and head. It was a prompting to ask for Peace. And so, I did just that. I reopened my dialogue with God and said “God, anywhere you are releasing me from anxiety, fear and doubt, please also release into me your everlasting Peace that surpasses all understanding. It is in your son, the Prince of Peace, whose name I pray Amen.”
What is interesting about that “prompt” is that after praying it I realized I already in fact had that kind of Peace, the kind that surpasses understanding. I was not aware that I had it until that moment when I was prompted to ask for it. What a gentle and gracious God we have that He would not say “um Kaelyn, yes I have already given you that Peace, leave me alone and pay better attention.” No, the God I know is not like that at all. He simply whispered a gentle reminder to ask Him for something that seemed so unlikely during this uncertain time, only to have me realize He had already blessed me with it.
I am certain, God invites us all into a place of surrender from time to time. How about you, where is God using uncertainty to show you how to surrender?
I have been struggling with my own uncertainties and I have been swinging between embracing the unknown or wanting to revert to old habits and plan and control. I have been pausing myself in those moments of fear and self doubt and and reminding myself I need to let go and accept the uncertainty, even if it doesn’t feel comfortable. Once I do, a funny thing happens, I seem to get some little confirmation that I am heading in the right direction. When I let go of the uncertainty of my writing I get good feedback and when I let go of the undertainty of my new buisness I get a new order or interest in a party. We can’t have a bigger and better future if we are clinging to who we are and what our lives look like in the present. In my good moments I can remember and live from that.
I have been dealing with my own uncertainties latley and I swing between embracing them and reverting to old habits of planning and trying to control. In those moments of self doubt and fear I have been trying to pause and let myslef embrace the uncertainty, even if it is not comfortable. Once I do that a funny thing happens, I get some small confirmation that I am on the right path. If I am struggling with uncertainties about my writing I get good feedback. If the uncertaities are about my new buisness I get interest in an order or party. So I am trying to lean in to the uncertainties. I am trying to remember that we can not open ourselves up to a better future if we are clinging to who we are and what our lives look like now.
I love the “small confirmation.” I get those too if my eyes are willing to SEE.